


my everything

by chowdejun



Series: songs i listen to when im sad [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: I'm Sorry, M/M, Not Beta Read, Post-Break Up, i didnt even edit this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27874438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chowdejun/pseuds/chowdejun
Summary: dejun thinks that guanheng is his everything. he thinks that he'd be nothing without him. it's been 3 years since they've broken up but dejun is still waiting for guanheng in the street where they met.inspired by my everything - nct u
Relationships: Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun
Series: songs i listen to when im sad [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2044438
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	my everything

**Author's Note:**

> highly recommended listening to the one hour loop of nct u's my everything for _extra_ feels.

> On the road that shines exceptionally
> 
> Standing there, I am waiting for you
> 
> It's not cold
> 
> When you are in my arms, I can feel the warmth

it’s 8:32 pm and dejun is standing at a corner in itaewon. the street is illuminated by various neon lights from the shops, bars, and clubs there are. teenagers and adults scattered here and there looking for restaurants to have dinner. but dejun is just standing— waiting. waiting for someone who he should’ve let go a long time ago.

as stupid as it may sound, dejun is convinced that guanheng will still come and meet him at the same place where they first saw each other. they’ve broken up 3 years ago and dejun’s friends continuously tell him that he should move on and find someone new but dejun does not want anyone other than guanheng. dejun thinks that guanheng is his everything, he thinks that he’d be nothing without him.

seoul has been wet for the past few days and it is unusually cold tonight, the temperature dropping to a -18.5℃. dejun is dressed warm enough but his clothes were no match for the cold december breeze that slapped him softly across his face. the rain that had turned into snow wasn’t helping but that’s fine, dejun will endure the cold because he knows that once guanheng is in his arms, he’ll be able to feel warmth— warmth that feels like home.

if anything, dejun sure is an idiot. he knows that himself. constantly waiting for someone who he hasn’t gotten a hold of in 3 years, isn’t that enough to prove that he is stupid? and there sure are many more evidence to prove that dejun is indeed an idiot but this one by far is the dumbest thing he’s ever done.

“i have a good feeling about tonight,” dejun smiles to himself, grasping the hot pack in his pockets tightly.

> You're my everything  
> I want to protect your days and nights  
> You are a miracle to me, I wish you could see it

_“happy anniversary, heng,” dejun buried his face on the crook of guanheng’s neck. they were slow-dancing to a song that dejun recorded exclusively for their anniversary. they started out from being friends in middle school to being a couple in 10th grade and now here they are, 7th year and still staying strong. the world envied the two for that._

_guanheng had rented an entire rooftop in yongsan which overlooks huam-dong for the entire evening. it was pricey and dejun insisted that they could’ve just eaten along with other customers of the restaurant but that place was special to both of them and guanheng liked going out of his way just so he could show just how special dejun was to him._

_“i love you,” guanheng placed a kiss on dejun’s forehead, arms wrapped around the older’s slim waist._

_“i love you too,” dejun was happy and contented. he couldn’t ask for anything more. guanheng was all that he needed. guanheng was dejun’s everything. “and i always will.”_

_if dejun could, he would die for guanheng. he wanted to protect the younger from all the hurtful words the world has to say. with guanheng being surrounded by suit and ties, people were strict and harsh and guanheng was always insulted in every meetings he had. thankfully, dejun was always there to make him forget about the harshness this world has to offer._

_“remember when we had our first formal date?” guanheng recalled. that time they were only 19 and going to college, earning minimum from their part-time jobs. “we were barely earning money but we saved up for months so that we could afford to eat dinner here.”_

_of course dejun remembered that. that day, they both aced their midterms and it happened that it was also their 2nd anniversary. they had a double celebration and even though dejun was hesitant, they ordered the most expensive steak the restaurant had to offer along with the finest wine there was. they took the subway to han river park and danced while tipsy. it definitely hurt their pockets but they did not regret a single bit of that day._

_guanheng pulled away from their position to take out a small box from his pocket. he knelt down on one knee and held dejun’s left hand. the older was shocked and he felt his eyes tear up. guanheng was proposing to him._

_“xiao dejun,” guanheng looked at dejun’s eyes, a sincere smile on his face. “i— i want to protect your days and nights. you’re my miracle. you’re the one that i want to spend the rest of my days with. xiao dejun, will you marry me?”_

_“yes,” dejun bit his bottom lip in an attempt to hold tears back but he wasn’t able to hold it in and within a blink, hot tears started rolling down his cheeks. “yes, i will marry you.”_

_guanheng stood up and immediately enveloped dejun into a hug, kissing the older on the lips. the staffs of the restaurant had watched them and they were clapping and cheering as guanheng placed the $1610 1895 cartier wedding band on dejun’s finger. the newly-engaged couple blushed as all eyes were on them. the older rested his head on guanheng’s chest and the younger kissed the top of dejun’s head and resting his chin there after._

_the night went on and they took a polaroid for remembrance. ’♡ 20200314 ♡’ guanheng wrote at the bottom. he looked at the photograph, laughing fondly as he saw what they looked like. he was hugging dejun from behind while the older was leaning back to kiss guanheng whose eyes were closed. the older snatched the polaroid from guanheng’s hand and kept it in his pockets. the younger pouted making dejun chuckle and press a kiss on his nose._

> Spreading all over me, a gift called you  
> You’re my night and day  
> Waiting for you in this street, drawing you again

dejun stares at the polaroid in his wallet. “huang guanheng,” he says, thumb brushing the ring around his finger. “i’m still waiting for you, right here where you first met me.”

guanheng sure was a gift to dejun. he was dejun’s day and night. a miracle that the heavens sent when dejun was in his lowest. dejun never really understood why they broke up. guanheng just came home one night and suddenly told the older that they should split up and that was it. he remembers waking up the next morning without guanheng on the other side of the bed, closets emptied of his clothes and a note on dejun’s bedside table saying _‘i’m sorry.’_ he tried to contact guanheng but the younger had already changed numbers while his friends and colleagues haven’t heard anything from him. it felt like a scene from those movies they watched.

dejun decided to take a stroll only coming to a stop when he spots a familiar figure. his eyes widened and he immediately looked around, head turning in every direction there is. his shoulders are brushing with strangers’ but that did not faze him at all. dejun is standing at the centre of the street looking for the person he loves the most.

“huang guanheng,” he called out. 

nothing.

“huang guanheng!” dejun says, louder this time. “guanheng, i know i just saw you right now! please— i know i’m not crazy.”

dejun earned looks from many passersby. they were thinking that dejun might’ve gone out of his mind and that he is crazy but he doesn’t mind. he had to see guanheng once again. at this point dejun is already crying, his heart is heavy and longing for guanheng. dejun won’t give up on guanheng.

“huang guan—“

huang guanheng. he met with guanheng’s eyes and the world suddenly stops spinning. dejun is focused on the younger and he forgot about everyone around him. guanheng still looks the same. it’s the same face dejun fell in love with in high school. _nice to meet you again, huang guanheng._

dejun runs up to guanheng, drops his umbrella and hugs him tightly. “i’ve missed you so much,” dejun says, inhaling guanheng’s scent. _he still smells the same, he hasn’t changed one bit._ “you have no idea how long i’ve waited for you here in this street.”

dejun waited for so long to feel the warmth that guanheng had to offer but it is still cold. the warmth that feels like home is nowhere to be found even with the younger in his arms. guanheng doesn’t move nor does he say anything. he’s just standing there with his eyes shut. guanheng is holding his tears back, he doesn’t want others to see him in a vulnerable state.

“how— how have you been? are you fine? what are you up to these days? are you the director of the company now?“ dejun rambles.

“why did you wait?”

“because i know you’re going to meet me where we first met each other,” dejun says. “i know— i just know that you will meet me on that corner and we’ll get back together and get married like we were supposed to and—“

“we _can’t_.”

dejun is confused. what does guanheng mean by they can’t?

“what do you mean by that?” dejun’s chin trembled, tears falling even more. “we still can, heng. let’s try again, start fresh, you know— let’s— we’ll figure something out. _right_ , guanheng?”

“dejun, we can’t,” guanheng sighs. “i’m— i’m with ten now.”

 _oh_. dejun’s heart sank and he let guanheng go from his hug. he wants to shout but all dejun could do is clench guanheng’s sweater and cry even more. guanheng have moved on from him. dejun refuses to accept it.

“this— this is a dream right?” dejun says, in denial of what he just heard. “i will wake up and you and i— we’re— we’ll get back together— this is all a dream, it’s not real— it’s—“

“i’m sorry,” guanheng lets out another sigh and opens his eyes, tears escaping and streaming down his face. “dejun, i... i’m really _sorry_.”

and with that guanheng left dejun alone in the middle of itaewon. dejun felt the heaviness of the world fall on his shoulders, he dropped to the ground pressing his palms on his knees as he sobbed uncontrollably. after all this time dejun’s friends are right, he should move on and find someone new already. had he listened to them, dejun would’ve been able to avoid this heart-wrenching moment. but no, dejun insisted that guanheng still loves him and now he’s here, left alone in the middle of the street, a crying mess who just had his heart torn into million pieces.

“i hope you’re happy with ten,” dejun sighs, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand and getting up from the ground. he takes off the ring on his finger, kissing it before throwing it away along with the polaroid they took on their engagement day. dejun promises himself never to come back to that corner in itaewon or that rooftop in yongsan again.

snow started falling harder and all dejun could feel is defeated. he wants to shout but his heart is tired— he is tired. the first thing dejun thinks about after crying is alcohol. he’s in itaewon and he just got his heart broken, why not get wasted for tonight? plus, he just received a $50000 paycheque last night so money wouldn’t be a problem for him. what’s there to worry about?

**Author's Note:**

> hehe :]]
> 
> also,,, the rooftop in the story is the one in itaewon class where park saeroyi relocated danbam hehe :]]


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